


Cold Hands

by seulrene (space_in_between)



Category: Produce 101 (TV), Produce 101 China
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-28
Updated: 2018-05-28
Packaged: 2019-05-14 18:36:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14775011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/space_in_between/pseuds/seulrene
Summary: Xuanyi belatedly noticed how cold Jinna’s hands were, more often than not. But right now Xuanyi felt them warm against her cheeks and she smiled at Jinna, relieved and contented.





	Cold Hands

**Author's Note:**

> i struggled with this nasty writer block for wEEKS and decided to do something i'd never done before: writing f/f. ///breaks out in a cold sweat/// i hope you enjoy!

Xuanyi stared blankly at the darkness outside the building from the glass window, sweaty and exhausted. It was already 1AM, and she was just finishing her individual practice for their second performance. Xuanyi had memorised all the moves, she had danced to them over and over when she was practicing on her own and when she helped her group mates memorise them step by step, but it didn’t lessen the burden inside her chest.

Something felt wrong, but Xuanyi couldn’t tell  _ what  _ was wrong. She felt like she hadn’t done enough for her team and for herself; at the end, this was a battle against everyone around her and she had to be the one who helped herself up. But Xuanyi was so used to stand up for her team, for the younger sisters she’d always wanted to protect. Somehow, blaming herself when she felt like a failure came along naturally in the process.

She had tasted the bitterness of defeat on her first live performance. She felt like she was going to go through the very same thing this time, except this time Xuanyi  _ knew  _ it’d been her fault all along. She did not choose a bad team, everyone was a great company for her and they all trusted her as a leader, but that was exactly what troubled her.

She felt like she couldn’t lift her team’s spirit to be able to fight against the other dance teams, because they were strong, their leaders were so much better than her, perhaps (no, most likely). Not to mention that she had to go against Meiqi, one of the closest people to her on earth, and Meiqi had a strong team and she had everything Xuanyi hoped she would.

She didn’t remember it to be this difficult when she was in WJSN, though. And she didn’t want Meiqi, or anyone in that matter, to know about this.

Still, Xuanyi hoped she could share it with someone.

(The Heavens heard her prayer before it came off her mouth.)

 

-

 

“You’re still here?”

Xuanyi looked up to a reflection next the hers on the glass, a reflection of someone wearing the same pink sweater she wore right now. Someone from A class, but luckily not Meiqi, someone that Xuanyi might need the most right now.

“Jinna,” Xuanyi breathed out and the corner of her mouth curled up into a small smile. “I didn’t know you’re still practicing.”

Jinna stood beside Xuanyi and suddenly wrapped her arms around Xuanyi’s waist and rested her chin on her shoulder, ignoring Xuanyi’s protest of herself being gross and sticky with sweat.

“I’ve finished for a while, I was earlier than you. I looked for you but couldn’t find you anywhere,” she said, chin gently moving atop Xuanyi’s shoulder as she spoke. “You still look pretty even when you’re spacing out.”

Xuanyi turned her head to give Jinna a disbelieving look. Jinna grinned.

“Did something happen during practice?” Jinna later asked, voice low and careful. “Your teammates said you looked off several times today but they knew you wouldn’t tell them anything and just say it’s okay. And it’s not okay at all, not under my watch.”

Xuanyi giggled, “Did my team send you on a mission to find me and dig out about it?”

Jinna shrugged, “I prefer to say that this is my personal mission,” she said, pulling away from Xuanyi enough to look at her side profile properly. “I know we’re not super close or anything, but I literally live within your space and we breathe the same air everyday for two months, day and night. I think it’s enough to give me the privilege as a friend?”

Xuanyi laughed as she leaned her head on the crook of Jinna’s neck. “You didn’t have to point out all of them, of course you’re my friend.”

“‘Kay, all is good, then. I’m all ears. Tell me everything.”

Xuanyi sighed and told Jinna everything. Her strong sense of inferiority toward the other trainees, the worries of having to go against Meiqi and her team in dance position battle, everything. Xuanyi couldn’t stop herself from pouring her heart out at Jinna, who listened to her silently. Sometimes she’d hum to assure Xuanyi she’s listening, but she had never interrupted.

“I’m afraid to lose in a battle, but I’m more afraid to lose any more of these girls because of me,” Xuanyi put an end to her long ramble with a sigh. “I couldn’t save my group neither on the stage nor at the elimination. I’m never going to forgive myself if it happens again tomorrow.”

“Oh, shush, don’t say such unlucky things.” Jinna squeezed Xuanyi’s body gently. “You’ll be okay. Your team will be okay. You’re doing your best as a leader and everyone acknowledges it, so don’t let those girls’ spirits down. You’re the only place for them to hold on.”

“The more reason of why all of this is stressing me out.”

“Speaking of which, we’re in the exact same position. I lost on our first stage too and I couldn’t save my group either. But if we keep mourning over what had happened, will we be able to fix what was wrong and be better?”

Xuanyi blinked, “Aren’t you afraid?” her voice cracked just a little at the end of her sentence. Jinna exhaled, pulling away from Xuanyi completely to turn her around by the shoulders and cupping Xuanyi’s small face with both of her hands.

“I am, sometimes. But I want to be strong. I want  _ you  _ to be strong too. Because I want to stay longer here, but I don’t want to do it without you. Promise me we’ll make it to the next round together, Wu Xuanyi, okay?”

Xuanyi belatedly noticed how cold Jinna’s hands usually were, more often than not. When she held her hands after their daily practice, on the way back to their shared room. When she woke Xuanyi up in the morning, or when their hands accidentally brushed against each other when Jinna was taking her stuff out of the wardrobe at the same time Xuanyi did. Her hands were cold, but not in an unpleasant way. They were cold in a soothing way, they were cold in an oddly calming way and Xuanyi realised she might have been subconsciously reaching out to Jinna’s hands for the last couple of months whenever she needed comfort.

And Jinna was always there, cold hands wrapping tightly around Xuanyi’s with a smile.

Jinna’s hands were cold but now Xuanyi felt them warm against her cheeks and she looked up to smile at Jinna, relieved and contented.

“Okay,” she breathed out, and Jinna’s lips formed a beautiful, teeth baring smile.  _ It’s pretty, _ Xuanyi thought, but she could tell Jinna about it next time. “Okay.”

“Yeah, okay.” Jinna’s thumb caressed Xuanyi’s cheek gently and she leaned down to press a kiss on Xuanyi’s forehead. “Let’s wash up and get some sleep. I’ll wake you up in a few hours.”

 

-

 

A few minutes later, Xuanyi was all fresh after a shower and drowsiness almost knocked her out instantly - the exhaustion after forcing all her limbs to keep moving was kicking in full force. Jinna also had finished showering, she was drying her hair with a towel when she smiled at Xuanyi’s direction and helped her pull the blanket up to her chin.

Jinna’s hand was cold on Xuanyi’s skin when she brushed a strand of hair off Xuanyi’s forehead. “Good night,” she said, smiling.

“Good night,” Xuanyi whispered. “Um, Jinna?”

Jinna looked up at her, and Xuanyi could see her questioning eyes even in the dim light.

“Nothing. Sweet dreams.”  _ Can we keep holding hands like this, until later? _

Jinna’s smiled widened as she brought Xuanyi’s hand to her lips and kissed it softly. “Yeah, sweet dreams.”  _ Sure, Xuanyi. Sure. _


End file.
